Sometimes, a little vice makes all the difference. No, I'm not talking about drugs or sex or anything like that. I'm talking about things like playing escape-the-room games or surfing real estate websites to find the perfect (or at least affordable) vacation home. Or, in Stefanie Ilgenfritz's case, watching soap operas.

She writes, in the Wall Street Journal, about her secret love of soaps and how she looks forward during the week to watching her taped episodes on the weekends. For me, it's the occasional game (usually one posted on Lazy Laces) or reading some of my favorite webcomics (like xkcd or Questionable Content) or looking at houses for sale in the Russian River area and fantasizing about taking the kids up to the river on the weekends.

I'm sure there are just as many such guilty pleasures as there are parents, but these sorts of harmless fun -- while not exactly getting the chores done -- help us all keep our sanity. And, as I learned a long time ago in another life, you have to care for the caregiver.

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In some small way, I wish we'd never started with the whole Santa Claus things. My kids are so deeply invested in it that I'm afraid finding out the truth is going to break their little hearts. My hope is that they'll learn gradually, like I did, and not all at once. Christmas is still magical to me, and I know that all those years experiencing the mystery and magic of Christmas is part of that feeling.

Cole Gamble, over at StrollerDerby, disagrees with me. He calls Santa Claus, along with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, one of the 14 lies we should stop telling our children. Others include:

• Just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble.
• Do this or you won't get [something big you possibly can't take away anyway].
• Big kids eat their vegetables; aren't you a big kid?
• You'll make more friends if you play nice.
• Mommy and Daddy are "taking a nap."

Cole says it's also statistically impossible that your child is the prettiest/most handsome in the world, because in fact, his children already hold that title. Since we've been talking a lot about lying this week, I think Cole's timing with this hilarious list couldn't have been better.

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We've all seen it -- a child says something wildly inappropriate and shocks the adults around her. Her parents shake their heads, "We don't know where she gets this stuff." It's happened to me, and because my kids spend nearly all day, every day with me alone, I can't look much farther than my own behavior.

I think that most, if not all, parents slip now and then -- a curse word slips out, voices get raised, carefully honed parenting techniques fly out the window in the face of fatigue and stress. Kids are resilient, they learn that grown ups make mistakes just like kids do. And we try harder not to make those mistakes the next time.

An Australian organization called ChildFriendly.org recently put out a children's rights video titled "Children See." It depicts parents at their worst -- abusive, violent, careless, angry -- as well as their children following their lead. It's disconcerting, disturbing, startling, but it's also an excellent reminder for even the most thoughtful parent that our children are watching us, every minute of every day.

Watch the video below, then share your thoughts with us in comments.

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Do you like baseball? Any kind of sport? What about traveling or other activities? If you said yes to any of the above, do you enjoy doing so with your spouse? A new report from a set of studies, some of which have been going on for more than a decade, seems to think that if you do, your marriage has more of a chance at surviving. You know the old saying "those that play together stay together?" Well, turns out there may be something to that after all. Howard Markman, co-director of the University of Denver's Center for Marital and Family Studies, believes that having fun with your spouse is essential to your marriage.

Seems like a no brainer, sure, but when was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? That's one of the questions asked of couples by Markman and Scott Stanley, the other co-director of the study. The results were interesting, especially when they found out that women and men have very different views on what constitutes a date. The last time you spent time with your spouse could seem forever ago due to the economy, raising kids, demanding careers and commutes, among other things. Still, I think any married couple will tell you it's critical to have fun in your shared lives if you want to get something meaningful out of your time together.

According to another study, marital interaction is actually on the decline. Paul Amato, a sociologist at the Pennsylvania State University, surveyed over 2000 couples in 1980 and another set of roughly the same amount in the year 2000 and found that the number of couples who consistently participated in leisure activities together declined. The good news? Markman, in a separate study, noted that cities with major league baseball teams had a divorce rate 28% less than cities who wanted one but didn't have one. Why? Well, it certainly gives married couples something to do! No comment on whether or not the couples were happier if their teams won the pennant.

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Actor, comedian and some-time eyedrop commercial maker Ben Stein, who once offered America the chance to win his money, has written a funny and telling article over at the New York Times. Most of us know by now the man who is most famous for asking over and over again, "Bueller?" is an economics genius, but did you hear what he has to say about love? Well, according to Mr. Stein, there is an economics to love, too.

Take for example what he says about junk bonds: "High-quality bonds consistently yield more return than junk, and so it is with high-quality love." I think we can all agree we've had that junk bond love experience and Ben perhaps knows what he's talking about. They're great for the short term, but they won't--and don't--last. Stein likens this to dating someone with a ton of problems and thinking you can change that person. Of course, he also notes that it's impossible to do that unless you control the market.

Stein also said something that is sure to stick, at least with me. That is that one should "fall in love in haste and depart at leisure." This means that once you've found a winner, whether in love or in a stock, that you stick with it. Commitment is everything, as is nurturing. This is true of love of and for adults, but I would bet the same is true of parenting. Fall in love with your spouse, fall in love with your children, and do everything you can to stay in love with them. Good advice? I'd say so--and take that payout to the bank.

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Actor Kevin Costner recently revealed his fear of fatherhood almost cost him his marriage. The Tin Cup star, already father to three children, was unsure of his ability to be an effective father to the children new girlfriend (now wife) Christine Baumgartner.

Christine made no bones about her desire to be a mother, and Costner admits it kept him from marrying her for years. Then the actor made a stark realization: lose a gorgeous young woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with you, or have another kid.

The pair wed in 2004 and Christine gave birth to the couple's first child, son Cayden, in 2007. I can appreciate Christine's candor--so many couples fail to discuss the crucial element of children before they get married. Either you want them, or you don't--and it's best to make that clear before you take a trip down the aisle. Looks like Christine got to have her cake and eat it too.

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Actor Gary Oldman has come clean about his preference for work. According to the actor, who was once married to Uma Thurman, he'd rather take on projects that let him spend more time with his children.

Oldman, star of the recent Batman films but normally known as the bad guy (True Romance, anyone?) sees like a tough guy in real life. Not so, at least not anymore. Maybe it was all those Harry Potter films. Although he alleges his ambition isn't what it once was, and that he'd rather spend quality time with his kids, starring in such huge hits as Batman Returns and the aforementioned Potter flicks is no small feat! Most actors would be lucky to even be considered for such roles.

So, looks like Oldman will get to have his proverbial cake and eat it too--only with his kids at the table! His main reason for signing on to Batman 2--director Chris Nolan lets him get home in time to put his kids to bed. That's a far cry from the man who was accused by Thurman of being,er, not so nice to her!

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And, if so, does it bug your neighbors? Do your neighbors go so far as to complain to you about it? And, if they do, do you care? I live in New York City, in Brooklyn, in an apartment. I am surrounded, in my condo complex, by people to the right of me, on top of me and below me. I also have a fifteen month old. To say that he is rambunctious would be putting it mildly. No one has complained that my son is loud. After all, there are also a set of two-year-old twins across the hall. Many parents, however, aren't so lucky. In an article in the Real Estate section of the New York Times, the author uncovers just how a lot of neighbors feel about their neighbors' kids and how those parents feel about the neighbors. Most try to get along and make it work. Most are sympathetic--we've all had a new baby cry throughout the night and we've all greeted the following day with colic.

Some parents, however, feel like they are caught between a very rough rock and a very hard place: to be the perfect parent while being the perfect neighbor. In Brooklyn, perhaps, it is accepted that maybe you cannot be both. In places like Park Slope, which we mock all the time for being full of the mommy mafia, where we joke they won't let you in without kids, at least you know you can go to a restaurant and they'll treat you like a human being when you bring your kids with you. Your neighbors generally have kids too or at least understand what you're going through and they refrain from giving you a hard time. After all, your kids will grow up--eventually.

Elsewhere it's not so easy to be a parent and a neighbor. And, I would say the trouble isn't limited to apartment dwellers, either. Anyone with a backyard that sits next to someone else's backyard might complain your kids are making too much noise in the pool, or are coming over into their property, etc. You might respond the guests at their non-stop parties get too drunk and throw lawn darts too close to your kids' heads!!!

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What do Rod Stewart, Michael Douglas, and Charlie Chaplin have in common? They all had children at an age when many dads are enjoying their grandchildren (60, 58, and 73, respectively, for those of you who are interested).

Though it's far more common to find a 70-year-old father than it is a mother of the same age, recent studies have shown that men have biological clocks too. And just like women, those clocks start to tick around age 35.

French researchers studied over 12,000 couple who were undergoing fertility treatments. What they discovered was that when a man is over the age of 35, the chance of his partner miscarrying increases. When a man is over the age of 40, the chances of a successful pregnancy drop even further. The culprit, say experts, is DNA damage to the sperm.

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Sure, they drive you nuts. They step on every last nerve and expect you to thank them for it. But, it's all worth it, right? Children bring so much joy into our lives that we couldn't possibly imagine living without them, right? They are our reason for being; they complete us. Right? Anyone?

But seriously, do kids make us more or less happy? Apparently, it's the latter -- they make us less happy. At least that's the conclusion a number of researchers have come to in recent years. One theory is that because couples are marrying and having children later, they are getting more of a taste for the footloose-and-fancy-free life and the responsibilities of parenthood just don't compare.

While they may very well make us less happy, it seems to me that the easy path isn't always the most rewarding. Certainly, sitting on the couch watching television is easier than climbing to the top of half dome, but which is the more rewarding in the long run? I'll take the blisters and backache, thanks.

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When I was single, online matchmaking was pretty much unheard of. There were a few sites where you might hook up with another person (anyone remember Prodigy.com?), but chances were good that person wasn't actually single. Or employed. Or remotely attractive. Things have come a long way since then and online matchmaking is quite popular and for some, very successful. And now, online dating has taken the next, logical step: online marriage counseling.

Created by Les and Leslie Parrot, the same people who brought you eHarmony.com, eHarmony Marriage is a computerized program promising to help couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts more compassionately. Leslie Parrott is a marriage a family therapist who says that this is the perfect solution for those who aren't quite ready for traditional counseling, but want to improve their relationship.

The program involves each partner answering an online questionnaire covering everything from finance to spirituality. The responses generate a report outlining the couple's strengths and weaknesses and a proposed marriage action plan. "It will reveal where you guys are really strong and where you will find the most benefit if you invest in this area," Parrott says.

As far as the investment, the program costs $150 and takes six to eight weeks to complete. Dr. Parrott admits that online therapy might not be the best choice for couples on the brink of divorce, but sees it as a cost-effective option for those needing to open up the lines of communication.

I tend to agree. Whether you get it from a book, a counselor's office, or online, learning to communicate better is pretty much the key to everything, right?

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Back in the days before Eve Ensler, the word 'vagina' was the verboten V-word. Now, it seems, there is another V-word on the horizon that people -- well, guys -- refuse to discuss, let alone think about: the vasectomy. Women have long-regarded the vasectomy as an easier, safer way toward permanent birth-control. Well, it's semi-permanent, actually, because it is a reversible procedure. Men regard it as little more than butchery. Women could get their tubes tied, the men say. Men could wear a condom, the women say. Men say that would reduce their feeling. Women say, well, tough!

But what about the vasectomy, really? Modern medicine would say it is a simpler and safer procedure than tubal ligation. It's also cheaper. There's also a new non-scalpel version on the market (my husband says don't even think of mentioning the words 'scalpel' and 'penis' in the same sentence; it turns him green). The result of unwanted pregnancy after a vasectomy is also low at 1 in 1,000.

It's also a procedure no one is really using. Why? Well, there is the obvious concern that my husband put so well. Then there are the myths that having a vasectomy reduces testosterone, etc. that still float around us like so much hot air. There's also the fear of having a needle stuck in one's weewee, which has been replaced by jet-powered anesthesia.

What about your family? Once you reached the optimal number of children (or no children!) what method of birth control did you or are you employing? Was vasectomy an option, or was it verboten?

Pic by Marshall Astor-Food Pornographer.

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I usually work in the mornings when the house is quiet, before the rush and hum of our lives takes over the day, like so many parents everywhere--trying to carve out a few extra moments; trying to keep my hand on the slim thread of my life before there were kids, and peanut butter toast and jam-faces to wipe and milk to pour and now, a puppy to feed and walk, too.

But lately, in these quiet, early mornings, I've had company. My middle son Avery wakes to my softest footfalls, and climbs out of bed just one step behind me. I can hear the door to the boys' room open (Avery is careful not to wake anyone else) and the thump of his tiny bottom as he slides down the stairs. Soon enough he's in my lap, head tucked beneath my chin. He doesn't ask for anything; he doesn't try to stop me. He simply sits in the cup of my lap and falls back asleep, while my fingers plink away at the keyboard on the desk.

This is not what I expected, when I learned I'd be a mom to a child with special needs. It's nothing I could have predicted, based on the books I read or the information we got from the hospital. Back when I was a new mom to Avery, I was hungry for stories about moms of kids like mine. I wanted to be able to imagine our future, but all I could come up with was sadness and adult diapers. I needed help.

One mom writing about her life with her son with Down syndrome is Emily Perl Kingsley. In her widely-read essay, "Welcome to Holland," she uses a travel metaphor to explain her new, unexpected life: she'd been planning to go to Italy like everyone else, but the itinerary changed. Her destination was a different place--not better, not worse, just different. Hers would be a trip to Holland.

"Welcome to Holland" came to me via one of the nurses in the NICU. It was a battered, graying photocopy. Someone had taken the time to add a picture of tulips across the top, and at the end there was a little string of stylized Dutch windmills, more than a dozen marching across the bottom of the page.

At the time, I wasn't sure what to make of such a thing. That the woman writing the essay (Emily) had a perspective to share was clear; whether I would come to agree with it, was not. That the person who created the photocopy wanted to help women like me, mothers trying to find their way, was also clear; how these worn, aged pages would aid me, was not.

This is what happened: I began seeing references to Holland everywhere. All the nurses in the NICU wore a particular brand of shoes--they were clogs. There was, improbably, a reconstructed Dutch windmill just off the highway I traveled each day to and from the hospital. And the farmland windmills dotting the wide, open grasslands (which had always looked to me like symbols of the American prairie) made me think of the windmills of Holland. They, in turn, made me think of a simple children's toy--pinwheels. How could I not have seen all this before?

And the same became true of Down syndrome. I began seeing it everywhere--a lady waiting to cross the street on the corner; a young man pushing a grocery cart with his mother; a baby with a tall shock of brown hair; on television, in the news, in the New York Times.

I've been Avery's mama for 5 years already, and it's not just Holland I see. These days, I'm more likely to notice the man walking with the limp; or the young woman with rigidity in her muscles; or the child overwhelmed by sounds. The causes for such things, or the names for them, are not important to me--what I see is the man, the woman, the child. I see what's different, but I also see what we share.

Even still, I'm sometimes caught off-guard. We live in a 70-year-old log home; its walls are covered with layers of dusty wallpaper that peels from the ceiling in long strips. Each weekend, we tackle another room--scraping, sanding, priming, painting. In the kitchen, beneath the fake-brick wallpaper and the magenta paisley paper, we uncover a pastoral scene: horses, riders, trees, a lake. And at the water's edge? A Dutch windmill, of course, just like the ones on my photocopy.

I hope I would have discovered this way of being in the world on my own, but in truth, I think it's something I owe to becoming Avery's mama. And the thing is, I'm grateful for it. I like my eyes that see. Call it whatever you please--Italy, Holland. I like it here, and I don't want to go back.

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Time Magazine recently interviewed an editor-at-large from popular magazine Psychology Today. The topic? Children, and whether or not we're turning our kids into wimps. Hara Estroff Marano, the interviewee, had much to say on the subject of children, and how we raise them. Marano, who is also a grandmother and author of a new book titled A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, says we are turning our kids into wimps. She says we need to let our kids have bad experiences as it's the only way they learn.

Marano pointed out her research on the college campus, noting that her colleagues commented that many of the students they were treating lacked coping skills. Says Marano, "...they have no idea how to manage the vicissitudes of life." Why has this happened? Well, according to Marano we're worried about our kids being successful. We push them too hard to achieve, and we worry more about branding than experience, focusing on sending them to the best schools, etc., when perhaps the brand name of Harvard or Yale is not what they need. Access to information through the Internet makes everything fleeting and transitional and ultimately obsolete before we can even understand it fully.

Marano also argues, along with much of our nation, that our children are being over-medicated and that play time is not valued as it should be. And, shocker, she feels we're too involved in every aspect of our children's lives. So how to deal? Well, according to Marano, we need to step back, let kids prove their competence, let them play, and make sure we eat together five times a week. I don't know if doing these things will save our kids from being wimps, or if they're wimps in the first place, but she does provide an interesting perspective.

Your thoughts? Do you think we overprotect our children and undervalue their ability? Or is that what it takes to get through this crazy modern world?

Pic by summitcheese.

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Has success gotten to Alec Baldwin? Is he ready to throw in the sweaty, tear-soaked towel of Hollywood and make a go of it elsewhere? Quite possibly. Recently Alec, the eldest of the famous Baldwin brothers, took stock of all that has happened to him over the course of the last several years and feels he might be ready to say hasta la vista to Tinsel Town.

Between Alec's never-ending divorce from actress Kim Basinger, the ensuing very ugly custody battle, and some behavior Alec is ashamed to call his own regarding his daughter Ireland (he, uhm, referred to her as a selfish little pig, in case you don't remember), Alec has still found time to act and basically steal a show away from Tina Fey. Now, though, he is reconsidering what it's like to deal with the media non-stop and getting through it all just to act.

According to Alec, who recently spoke to the New York Post (which, by the way does nothing to ease your troubles in the media zealousness area), said that if you have four bad days in four years that is essentially all the public gets of you from the media. He also feels the business has changed and that there are other things outside of acting he'd like to get into. Alec also has repaired his relationship with his daughter and is looking for someone to love. Sounds like someone is having an epiphany!

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